


You’re Charmin

by Shestoolazytologin



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Awkward Boners, Could contain traces of crack, F/M, Face Sitting, Love in the times of toilet paper shortage, Masturbation, Neighbors, Oral, Rey is a toilet paper hoarder, Rey is forward, Smut, Spooning, Toilet Paper AU, a mix between crack and smut, be smart, ben is shit at excuses, buy a bidet, fake coughing, idk what more to tag this, keep an Adam Driver sized distance between yourself and people, mention of quarantine, no mention of COVID-19, she is bored, toilet paper drama, writer is in quarantine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-25
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23303944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shestoolazytologin/pseuds/Shestoolazytologin
Summary: Rey and Ben fight over the last package of toilet paper at the store. When he finds out she’s also his new neighbor, how far is he willing to go for a roll or two?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 44
Kudos: 164





	You’re Charmin

**Author's Note:**

> Greetings from quarantine day 11. This was brought to you by a close collab between my boredom and small writer’s block. The world is a scary place right now so please everyone, stay safe, healthy, and above all, home ❤️
> 
> Many thanks to the lovely kaybohls for the brainstorming, beta, and moodie ❤️

[ ](https://ibb.co/Krs6zDR)

Rey rushed through the crowds of people at the grocery store. It was insane, and the queue for the check out was very long, but that was the least of her worries. She was a woman on a mission. 

Earlier that day, they had been informed of a quarantine, a possible lockdown of the country in order to survive the current pandemic. She had checked the drawers and cupboards for food, making a mental inventory of what she had and what she needed to buy, and come to the sad realization that she didn’t have enough toilet paper. 

Regretting the missed chance of buying that damn bidet she had seen a few months ago, she had gotten dressed and come to this... _ jungle. _

Aka the grocery store. 

She could see the aisle and quickened her pace, hoping to find it empty. Getting closer, she deflated, all hope leaving her body in the form of an exhale. 

It was empty alright. Empty of toilet paper. 

She could hear cricket sounds from the shelves, a sad reminder of the fact she would now be forced to wash her ass in the shower.

Swimming in the sea of her defeat, Rey looked around, feeling as lost as a John Travolta gif when she saw it. She could have been hallucinating, or maybe had begun to fall victim to the virus, but Rey swore that she saw a beam of light shine down from above, illuminating it as the angels sang. 

Toilet paper. One lonely package. The last of them all, and it was hers. 

She ran so fast that Usain Bolt would have been mad jealous of her skills, fast enough that Road Runner would have handed her the medal for fastest in the world. Speedy Gonzales couldn’t hold a candle to that. 

Rey made to grab the four precious rolls of toilet paper, almost as precious to her as four burritos, when a hand shot across from her and grabbed it the exact same moment she did. 

She looked at the hand first, her eyes traveling up the length of his arm, locking them with a pair of deep and intense ones that almost made her retrieve her hand. 

_ Almost.  _ She valued her anal hygiene too much to be affected by how hot he was. 

She pulled the bag and so did he, and they got caught in a tug-o-war. Logically, she knew that they could split it, but she wanted it all for herself—she was selfish like that. 

“Give it here.” She said, pulling the plastic bag of the four precious rolls. 

“That toilet paper. It belongs to me.” He said, pulling harder.

_ The audacity of this man! _

“Well, excuse me,” she said, now pulling with both hands. “I was here first.”

He shook his head and she faintly realized that this was a grown-ass man. 

He was huge, easily the size of a fridge. 

Wasn’t that the distance she was supposed to keep from people? 

The overgrown tree currently trying to pry the toilet paper from her hands stepped closer, somehow growing even bigger in the process. 

“You know I can take whatever I want,” he said with a low growl, and the timbre of his voice went straight to her core. 

_ God _ , what was wrong with her?

“I’m not giving you anything,” she said. Keeping her eyes steadily trained on his and foregoing any sort of hygienic precautions, she lowered her head and licked a long stripe across the plastic wrapping of the object of their desire. 

He raised an eyebrow at her, completely nonplussed, and she decided that a game elevation was needed.

So she fake coughed on it for good measure. 

His hand was immediately pulled back, making it possible for her to grab the toilet paper and put it in her cart. 

She turned around and left wordlessly, feeling a mix of both victorious and horny. 

* * *

Ben Solo was seething. 

He had gone to the grocery store, restocking for the lockdown. He hadn’t hoarded, unlike like many others, but his sheer body size had made it possible for people to get out of his way in front of the shelf. He hadn’t had trouble, the experience had been almost a normal one. 

_ Almost.  _ The toilet paper situation had ruined that. 

There had been something about that girl, with her fierce eyes and determined features. He had found it annoying at first, her pulling at his toilet paper, but then she had licked and coughed on it, and his annoyance had turned into horror. 

Had she no sense of hygiene whatsoever?

Sighing, he reached to his right, not even looking as he tried to grab the toilet paper. The piece in his hand was very small, and the roll was empty. 

Shrugging, he opened the cabinet to get a new roll, a feeling of dread taking over his entire body when he saw none. 

At all. Nothing. 

He had run out of toilet paper. 

Looking at the small piece in his hand, he realized it was  _ too small  _ to be of use to him. 

_ Fuck.  _

He took several deep breaths, trying to calm his rage at the universe, the lockdown, the unfortunate timing of his body.

Above all, he tried to calm his rage at the infuriating girl who had taken the last package and licked it like the little rat she was. 

Ben hopped in the shower, washing himself clean, wondering how other cultures did it. He had nothing against it, it just felt weird having a constant stream of water shooting at your butthole, even though it wasn’t much different from showering, hence his lack of bidet, which had become a new trend amongst many Americans. 

Drying himself off with a towel, he looked at his reflection in the mirror, wondering whether he was really going to spend an entire quarantine washing his ass off in the shower. The universe was truly a bitch. 

His thoughts strayed to the girl at the grocery store. He knew her from somewhere, she was so very familiar, and he tried remembering where he might have seen her.

He thought about it as he went to his bedroom, as he got dressed, as he went to the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. 

It only hit him when he heard a voice greeting someone from outside his apartment. 

He practically ran to the door, looking outside from the little spy and  _ there she was. _

_ That’s _ where he had seen her. She was his new neighbor down the hall. 

He turned around, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Ben was desperate, but how far was he willing to go for a roll or two of toilet paper?

* * *

Rey was startled by a knock on her door. She wasn’t expecting anyone, all her friends self-isolating themselves at home. By all accounts, no one should be knocking on her door. People were supposed to stay home. 

She softly padded to the door, peeping through the small hole to see who was on the other side, and her breath caught in her throat—it was the hot guy from the grocery store. 

How the hell had he found her? Had he stalked her?

“Who’s there?” She asked tentatively, not wanting to open the door right away out of fear he was a creep. 

“It’s uh… it’s Ben. My name is Ben. I’m your neighbor down the hall.” 

Her eyebrows shot up. Say what now?

“Are you now?” She asked, hands on her hips. 

“Yeah, I am. I can prove it to you. Can you uh...I don’t know, open the door?” He asked.

Could she?  _ Should she _ ? She didn’t know him. 

“That depends. What’s up?” She asked, hoping he would just tell her without her needing to let him in. 

“I would tell you,” he said, clearing his throat. “But it’s something I’d rather not in the middle of the hallway.”

Rey rolled her eyes and sighed. Looking herself over once—she was in quarantine, but she might as well look cute for the hot neighbor—she opened the door. 

“Okay. How may I help you?” She asked, trying hard not to check him out. 

He ran a hand through his fingers, silently asking for permission to come in. She stepped on the side and closed the door once he was through it. 

“I uh…I was wondering if you could lend me a roll of toilet paper.”

She blinked, trying to make sense of his words. “You want me to give you a roll of toilet paper.” 

“Yes, well,” he said, shrugging. “I was going to buy it this morning but this girl got it before I did. The other stores had already run out of it.”

She suppressed a smile. “That’s a shame. I bet she used unconventional methods to pry it out of your hands.”

He smirked and it made him look all the more handsome. “Something like that.”

She smiled, looking at him through her lashes. “I’m Rey, by the way.”

She motioned with her head for him to follow her, and she walked to her bathroom. She could feel his eyes burning on her, and it gave her a strange feeling in her belly. 

She tried keeping it from going further south. 

Bending forward, she opened the cupboard under the sink and grabbed two rolls of toilet paper. 

When she turned around, she found him significantly closer than he was before. 

She looked at him, the strange look in his eyes. She should have felt scared, cornered, like an unfortunate prey to an unwelcome predator. All she felt now was his eyes on her, the heat coming off his body in waves, the lack of distance between two people who had no business being that close in the first place. 

She looked at him,  _ really  _ looked at him. The specks of green and amber in his eyes formed a mosaic she could stare at forever. His lips, plush and full, inviting, almost begging her to  _ come closer,  _ taste them. He towered over her but she knew that already, had noticed that right away. His hands were bigger than hands had any right to be, like paws, and she imagined them covering her breasts for a split second. 

_ Snap out of it, Rey,  _ she heard a small whisper in her head.

Clearing her throat, she handed him the rolls. “Here you go,” she said, her voice small, barely a whisper. 

She saw the moment he snapped out of whatever trance he was in, shaking his head. 

“Thanks,” he said, his voice matching hers. 

He took a step back and she immediately felt cold. 

“I’ll be going now.” He said, unmoving. 

“Okay,” she nodded in agreement, silently begging him to go before she told social distancing to screw itself and did something stupid. 

She watched his retreating form, his broad shoulders, his huge arms, the dip of his waist accentuated by the form-fitting shirt he was wearing, the curve of his ass, his calves. This man was a snack—no, scratch that, he was a goddamn meal—and she wondered what it would feel like to be stuck in quarantine with him. 

She was lost in her thoughts, so lost, in fact, that she didn’t see he had stopped walking and collided with his chest.

“Thanks for the rolls,” he said, waving them both in front of her face. She nodded, not trusting her voice, and closed the door softly behind him. 

She took a deep breath and ignored the ache between her thighs. 

* * *

It was approximately an hour later when there was a knock on her door. She checked from the tiny hole again—it was Ben. 

“Hi.”

“Hey,” he greeted her, shifting from one foot to the other. “I was wondering if you had butter?”

She raised her eyebrows. “What, another girl stole the last one from you today?” She said with a laugh, letting him in. 

He followed her into the kitchen and she—again—felt his eyes on her. 

“Turns out there isn’t enough in the fridge,” he said, stopping right next to her. 

She had been right, he  _ was _ the size of the fridge. He was exactly as big as the distance people were supposed to keep from each other yet here she was, letting him in and out of her apartment twice. 

She gave him a stick of butter and looked at him, tongue swiping across her lips without even meaning to. 

“Thanks,” he said softly, pointing at the butter. “I’ll make it up to you someday.”

“Oh? Tell me more,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest, which only made his eyes land there. 

She tried hard,  _ really hard _ to tear her eyes away from his lips but the more she looked at them, the more she seemed to gravitate towards him. 

They were so close she could almost taste him, his breath hot on her lips, hand resting on her hip. 

_ Social distancing, _ the whisper in her head reminded her and she stepped away, clearing her throat. 

He blinked, taking a step back, looking at the door.

“Thanks again,” he said, turning around and practically sprinting to his apartment, the soft click of his shutting door a loud echo in her ears. 

* * *

He couldn’t stop thinking about her. She was there—when he blinked, when he went to the kitchen, when he went to the bathroom and used the toilet paper he had gotten from her. She wasn’t there, and yet she occupied every room of his apartment. It was crazy, he didn’t know her. She was his neighbor, she should be the last thing on his mind, and yet she wasn’t. 

He wanted to get lost in her eyes, in her freckles, her  _ adorable  _ dimples, that smile that was brighter than the sun. 

_ Rey. _ He loved her name, the feel of it, the way his tongue rolled saying it. It fit her. A toilet paper thief, sure. But the name Rey was perfect for her. 

He looked down at his cock, aching and throbbing in his pants. He had been hard ever since he left her apartment some two hours ago, so close to getting a taste of her but so far at the same time. He wanted to kiss her, but  _ social distancing _ meant he couldn’t. 

Deciding to take matters into his own hands, he gripped himself, letting his imagination run wild. He thought of Rey, her tight pants, the curve of her perfect little ass, the way she bent over, giving him the best possible view. He thought of her slim waist as his hand moved in vertical motions, her tight shirt, her lips and the way they would look around  _ him _ as she took him in her mouth while his hand gripped her hair. 

He could feel himself getting close,  _ so close,  _ when his doorbell rang and his eyes snapped open. 

Ben looked down at his hand clamped around his shaft, then at the door, and back at his hand. There was  _ no way  _ he could go get it in this state. He made no sound, not even a peep as he waited for whoever was on the outside of his apartment to take a hint and leave, but they were persistent. 

Sighing, he pulled his pants back on and stood, heading to the front door. He didn’t care about his still hard cock—which hadn’t gone away of course—and whoever it was, they could go through the trauma of witnessing it. It was their fault and their bad timing. 

He opened the door without checking and on the other side stood Rey. 

The object of his fantasy. 

The person whose lips he had just imagined around him. 

He prayed to every deity that she wouldn’t look down, but the universe hated him, because that’s precisely what she did. 

He saw the moment her eyes went wide, her lips shaped like an O. She blushed, mortified, and he wanted to kick himself in the balls because the more she looked at him, the harder he got. 

_ As if that was even possible.  _

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she said, swallowing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She said, turning around and sprinting back to her apartment. 

“No, Rey, wait,” he said, grabbing his keys and closing the door, running after her. 

He knocked on her door. “Rey, please. Open the door.”

Silence. 

“Rey. Let me explain please.”

“It’s okay, Ben.” She said, her voice barely audible. “You have nothing to explain. You were in your own home, doing something as normal as breathing. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“Please, Rey,” he begged, desperate to talk to her, make her listen. “Let me in.”

He heard a noise from the other side and the shuffling of feet until there was a soft click, the door opening. 

She stood there, a shy look on her face. She was looking at anything but him. 

Closing the door behind him, he leaned against it. “Hey,” he said, a soft smile playing on his lips. 

“Hey,” she said, pointedly looking at his chest, avoiding looking at his crotch. 

They stared at each other for a moment, gathering their thoughts. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, and unlike the silence from earlier, this was anything but sexual. 

“I’m sorry. I should have checked who it was, and you shouldn’t have had to see that.” He said with a shrug. 

“It’s fine, Ben,” she said. “Nothing happened.” A pause. “Were you thinking about me?” 

He felt his heart stop, like a scratch on a record. “What?” 

“I said,” she said as she stepped closer, “were you thinking about me?”

He swallowed. “What if I was?”

“Well,” she stopped right in front of him. “If you were, I would be flattered.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “Then I would tell you I’ve been thinking about you, too.”

One beat. Two. “What?”

Her hands slid up his chest slowly, so slowly he thought he was going to die, before coming to a stop on either side of his head. She rose on her tiptoes, nuzzling the curve of his jaw, the shell of his ear. “What do you think I did right after you left the last time?”

He didn’t know who moved first—maybe it was her, maybe it was him. He just knows they did, in tandem, their hands free to roam over each other’s bodies. She was warm, there, and it set his whole body ablaze. 

They got locked in a war of tongues and teeth and lips, savoring each other with a mad urgency. He pulled her bottom lip between his teeth, sliding his hands down to grab her ass and lift her up, turning them around so she was trapped between him and the door. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist, her hips moving of their own account, her core ground against his hard length, and the growl that left his throat was entirely not human. This woman, this small, fierce woman was driving him insane, invading his every waking moment, until he couldn’t function properly. 

“God I’ve thought about this moment ever since I saw you,” he said, biting her neck, aware it would bruise her, but was unwilling to care. 

“You have?” Her voice was breathy, like it was taking her extra effort to string enough coherent words together to form a sentence. 

His hands slid under her shirt, groaning when he realized she wasn’t wearing a bra. He palmed at her breasts, pinching one nipple hard enough to draw those elicit sounds from her throat, but not hard enough to hurt her. 

She tugged on the neckline of his shirt and he pulled it off, tossing it somewhere behind him. The look on her face at the sight of his chest was worth everything. 

“You're a fucking meal,” she said hungrily, pupils dilated. 

Pulling her shirt off, he carried her around the living room, stuck when he realized he had no idea where her bedroom was. 

“Second room down the hall,” she said in between kisses, reading his mind.

Walking them there, he kicked the door open and deposited her on the light green bedding. 

She looked like a goddess. He couldn’t understand how someone could be so attractive; she was a work of art. A masterpiece, drawn by a heavenly artist, with her flushed face, her blazing eyes, and her adorable freckles.

She stood on her knees on the mattress as she slid out of her pants first, then lace underwear, never breaking eye contact, daring him to make a move. 

He forgot how to breathe at the sight of her naked body. 

She got off the bed, walking towards him and turning him around, pushing him until he was the one lying flat on his back on the soft surface. 

She crawled towards him like a predator, hooking her fingers on the waistband of his pants, pulling them off.

He hadn’t been wearing underwear so he was left naked at her mercy. The look of hunger in her face nearly had him come undone. He had been hard for over two hours—he didn’t even know how he was functioning. 

Never taking her eyes away from his, she licked a stripe up his length, agonizingly slow, and he thrust his head back with a loud groan. She was barely touching him, the tip of her tongue the only point of contact, and the feeling was the best he’d ever had. Shifting, she turned around, practically sitting on his face as she wrapped her pretty little mouth around him. 

He grabbed her hips, bringing her cunt to his mouth and started sucking on her clit, her moans sending vibrations straight to his balls. 

She sucked his cock with a passion, working both hands and mouth in tandem, thrusting his hips up to meet her bobbing head. 

Her hips moved over his face rhythmically, making a mess of him in the process, but he didn’t mind. She could do whatever she wanted to him. 

“Rey, I won’t last long if you keep going,” he said. 

Releasing him with a  _ pop _ , she turned, planting her knees on either side of his face. With a pace so slow it felt like an eternity, she lowered herself down, her eyes locked on his. 

She started rolling her hips, taking control of the situation. The feeling was unlike any other, better than any other she’d had, and she wondered what it was about him that made her feel that way. He sucked on her clit as she moved, throwing her head back, her throaty moans filling the empty room, when he stopped. 

She looked down at him in half confusion-half protest. “Why did you stop?”

“Eyes on me.”

She swallowed, nodding weakly, keeping her eyes on his as he closed his plush lips around her clit. Looking at him changed  _ everything _ —she felt it all twice as much, the feelings twice as intense, the fire overtaking her ten times as strong. 

There was something powerful in the way she rode his face, in the way he worshipped her. She planted her hands on either side of his head, unrelenting hips chasing the pleasure only he could provide. She felt the pressure building as she started losing all coherent thoughts, as everything blended together and narrowed down to just the space he and she were occupying, until the center of her universe consisted of the two of them and  _ this.  _

Her entire world fell apart with a loud cry and sharp intakes of breath, her movements becoming uncontrolled until it all stopped and she collapsed on top of him. 

He flipped them over, kissing her deeply, hands palming at her breasts. Pulling her bottom lip with her teeth, he pulled away. 

“I don’t have a condom with me,” he said. “I could go to my place get one…”

She raised an eyebrow. “With  _ that?”  _ She said, pointing at the space between them. 

“Not the first time I’ve crossed the hall with an erection,” he says with a smirk and she rolls her eyes. 

“Well,” she said, licking her lips. “I have an IUD and I’m clean.”

“I haven’t had sex in a while,” he said. “But what about—“

“We’re past the point of avoiding human contact, don’t you think?” 

He let out a short laugh, nodding, lining himself up with her entrance, entering her in one swift motion. 

The breath that escaped them both was in sync. He was big, and she felt so full, more full than she had ever felt in her whole life. He was like the missing puzzle piece, the clear sky after a cloudy day.

She tried moving, checking to see if her body had gotten used to his size and when she felt like it did, she nodded. 

The pace he set was slow, like he was trying to savor it, but she wanted more. She wanted him to ruin her, make her unable to even think of anyone else, anything else but the two of them dancing this dance over, and over, and over again until the end of times. 

She wrapped her legs around his waist and angled her hips so that he could go deeper, as if that was even possible. 

“God baby, you’re so tight, taking my cock so good,” he said, looking at her as his pace quickened, pumping in and out of her like a parched man seeing water for the first time in a long while. 

His filthy talk went straight to her core, and the fire he had lit there turned into a blazing inferno. 

He pulled out and flipped her on all fours, entering her from behind. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, he tipped her head back, the tug a welcome feeling, sending shocks of electricity through her whole body. 

His pace quickened, the only sounds to be heard being the slap of skin, his grunts, and her moans. He reached around with his hand, finding her clit his fingers moving in circular motions. 

“Come for me, sweetheart,” he said, and she felt herself rise higher and higher, until the dam broke, until there was no more and she was in a free fall, a mess of moans and ‘oh my god’. 

He pumped into her a few more times until he stilled with a loud, long grunt, and they both collapsed on her mattress, their bodies a sweaty tangle of limbs. 

It was unclear who moved first but they did, and she found herself playing the little spoon. 

“Ben?” She said, her booze lazy and sleepy. 

“Hm?” 

She smiled at his voice, sleepier than hers. “You can’t go home now. You’re stuck in quarantine with me.”

He made a sound of approval. “Wasn’t planning to, anyway.”

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. “We have to get toilet paper though. Not enough rolls for both of us.”

“We don’t,” she said assuredly. “I have three unopened packages in the storage room. 8 rolls each.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked this and thanks for reading- come say Hi on Tumblr Shestoolazytologin or Twitter @Reylo4President. I’m chatty, so don’t be shy 😊


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